Week 2 - MoPhats

Buffalo at Miami: Buffalos, just cause they would kick the crap out of a dolphin in a fight
Carolina at Minnesota: No Steve Smith for Carolina, Viks with the W
Cleveland at Cincinnati: I love cinnamon crunch Bengal’s from panera
Detroit at Chi town: Roy Williams is now the most un-intelligent human being for guaranteeing a W for the Lions, I think Brown is going to properly welcome him to Chicago for making a comment like that. Bears with the W
Houston at Indianapolis: Mr. Mannings neighborhood with the W
New Orleans at Green Bay: Farve isn’t going to let the Pack start the season 0-2
NY Giants at Phili: Little Manning is still pissed that his brother showed him who is boss, Giants over Eagles
Oakland at Baltimore: Ravens
Tampa Bay at Atlanta: the ship has sunk, Falcons
Arizona at Seattle: Cardinals, yea I know it’s a longshot
St. Louis at San Fran: they both suck, 9ers
Kansas City at Denver: Broncos
New England at Jets: Pats, Brady isn’t going to be able to carry that team all year
Tenn at San Diego: Chargers
Washington at Dallas: Skins, I’M FREAKING SICK OF T.O
Pitt at Jacksonville: Steelers, Big Ben is back

Week 2 - Kyky

Alright, so I got handled by Mophers in Week 1. Now I come upon Camaro. Oh, if only I could play Camaro every week. Scratch that, perhaps if I could play Legend's current opponent (Mystery Man) every week, then I'd be happy. And while I'm on the subject, what the frick, Sobol? Just because you look like Jesus and have a good rapport with students doesn't mean that you can just shirk us here at WDYL. Geez. On that note, Camaro, I'm going to put my prognostication cap on and prognosticate that you suck.

I LOVE FINS over Bison by an angry Zach Morris...I mean Jonathan Taylor Thomas...I mean Zach Thomas.

I LOVE PANTS over Vikes - I'm not taking the Pants just because I don't want to be tagged a homer. I'm taking them because they're just plain better. And because the Metrodome should be imploded. Pants by Jermaine Wiggins' foreskin.

I LOVE STRIPEYS over Messy Pants - The new Domino's mascot is named Fudgems. Does this sound like a brand of adult diaper to anybody else? Seriously, who the hell does the marketing for Domino's? The brownies are quite tasty, but any variation of Brownie or Fudge for a mascot name seems either racist or related to feces. Stripeys by the girl who gets "Fudgems juice" all over her after hugging Fudgems.

I LOVE BURRS over Loins - Even though he hasn't played there for a number of years, the Burr players have been shocked by the retirement of perpetual sleepyhead Toni Kukoc (Why is it, that when he came over here, having lived with a cyrillic alphabet, he chose the feminine spelling of his name? There's no prior necessity that his name is spelled Toni). As a result, the Burrs come out and kick the crap out of the pathetic lions "for Toni." Burrs by the European invasion.

I LOVE COLTS over Big Belt Buckles by a future Commercial Emmy award for Peyton Manning.

I LOVE Puckers over Righteous People - Watching this game will be like watching Discovery Health's coverage of plastic surgery: Even though they have the decency to spruce it up a bit with the blurred circles (or, in the case of football, smooth graphics), you still see all the ugly. Puckers by three pounds of liposuctioned fat.

I LOVE UGGLES over G-men - Donovan McNabb is back, baby. And, from what I saw last week, the G-men defense is only so-so. Uggles by an inappropriate Rush Limbaugh comment.

I LOVE BLACKBIRDS over The Messy Raidahs by so many points that Ray Lewis looks innocent.

I LOVE BUCS over Falcors - Being down by 2 TDs at half-time, Gruden will ceremonially kill Simeon Rice, and be overheard saying, "Any more of you bitches want to drop two potential INTs? I am Chucky!" Bucs simply because Gruden could make Lucifer poop in his Fudgems.

I LOVE S'HAWKS over Cards by a proud balding man's golden throwing arm.

I LOVE MALE SHEEP (Rams) over Gold Diggers - because somebody has to win, and the Gold Diggers are still a JV squad for the most part. Male sheep by a school bus seat shared with your other JV compatriot, while each varsity player has his own full row.

I LOVE BRONCS over Chefs by Jay Cutler's splinters. I LOVE PATS over J-e-t-s, Jets, Jets, Jets by being the smartest guys in the room.

I LOVE BOLTS over Titans by more than a dozen Philip Rivers pass attempts.

I LOVE NATIVE AMERICAN WARRIORS over 'Boahs - Parcells becomes so fed up by kickers that he just eschews the idea altogether, and goes for 2 on every extra point. "Hell, if we're going to miss 'em anyway, we might as well go balls out," he says at a post game press conference. Warriors by a gajullion dollar coaching staff.

I LOVE CROTCH GOULS over Jags - Simply because Mike Tice is coaching for the Jags. Crotch Gouls by an appendix and a Cowher mustache.

Butter - Week Duex

Vikes over Carolina - This just in...my grandma will be playing linebacker for Carolina, but it'll take another week for their moral to increase enough to translate to the W

Chicago over the Lionesses - These ex-Joey Harrringtons are in deperate need of Simba for a boost, but he's busy "just can't waiting to be king." Besides the Bears have sexy Rexy (yes, I did go lion king on you)

Indy over the not Reggie Bush's team - I just took a crap and decided if there was an even number of terds I'd pick Indy, odd number, the Texans. 4 means Indy.

Pack over Saints - This week to increase morale the Pack will start selling cheese hats made of real smoked Gouda. Reggie Bush will eat a whole hat by himself and sit out the second half with a stomach ache

Philly over Giants - Eli Manning will start watching the LOTR Trilogy at 7 PM on Saturday night in his tighty whitey's and won't get any sleep while he contemplates Smeagol's fate. When the saga ends at 9 AM he goes online and orders a collectors edition of "the Precious" for himself as he becomes convinced "the one ring" will lead to a Superbowl victory.

Ravens over Oak - I simulated this game in Madden 07 last night. Ravens win 24 to 7. Jamal Lewis's 97 break tackle is too much to overcome.

The Tampa Gay BuccaQueers over Vick's Vapor Rub - Tampa push Vick on tilt with a simple Jedi Mind trick. Vick spends the game trying to "take Chucky to Jabba now"

Cinnci over Browns - Bengals are cats...MEOW

Dolf's over Bills - The dolphin is a very smart, but docile animal.

Seahawks over Cards - If you're still reading this I have something very important to say to you. This is kinda hard, but here it goes... I've had feelings for you for a long time. Your smile lights up the room. Every time we embrace the old familiar feelings come rushing back again. What I'm trying to say is... Will you go with me to Homecoming? (Check One)
_ YES _ NO _ Let me Ask MoPhats if it's OK

St. Lou over San Fran - This just in... Ram's sign Diet Pepsi Machine

Chargers over Titans - Because I said so

Denver over KC - Jake Plummer regrows the Grizzly Adams beard, thus restoring his mojo

Patriots over Jets - Belly-check tops Man-gina. In this case master beats apprentice Obi-wan style.

Cowboys over Skins - Cowboys have guns, boots and cool hats, Indians have arrows and loin-cloth

Pitt over Jax - I overheard MOD say that he's going to set the entire Jag team on fire. Don't F with MOD, Period.

Mod - Week 2!

I’m desperately in love with the Dolphins at home over the Bills! Or….. I just hate Dick Jauron! Yes, that’s it!

I love the Vikes over the Panthers! Wow, Lards goes against the Vikes and I pick them to win. A sign the apocalypse is upon us indeed.

I love the Bengals over the Browns! Mama told me there would be games like this and mama also told me that if a Bengal poops, it comes out brown….with some sort of frye on it. JK,LOL,JJ,NOT,APRILFOOLS!

I love the Bears over the Lions! My prediction is the Lions will score 10 points but be this close --- > < --- to putting up 40.

I love the Colts over Texans! Manute Bol vs. Mugshey Boughes in a length contest, Craig Hodges vs. Mark Eaton in a 3 pt contest, Clay Aiken vs. a straight guy in a street fight. Sometimes you know you are in over your head, but you at least you try anyways.

I love the Pack over the Saints! 0-2 at home to start the year, me thinks not. Packers are a little better than what they showed against the Bears, but not by much.

I love the Giants over Philly! It’s hard for me to vision the Giants 0-2 so I have to go with them to beat Philly. The Eagles will come to play (insert lame Mama McNabb Cambells soup joke here).

I love the Ravens this week over the Raidahs! Former Bethel alum Mike Anderson rushes for a touchdown and promptly calls up Brian Luchene to tell him about it.

How about Atlanta over the Bucs! Chris Simms is making a nice living off of his name. Pretty similar to Shane McMahon in WWE, Paris Hilton in life, and Slashdell Stromberg in WDYL.

Seahawks take it to the Cardinals! Hasselbutt connects for 4 scores with Darrell Jackdaughter.

Rams over the IV VIIII’ers. Yes, the IV VIIII’ers looked ok last Sunday but the Rams looked even better.

Broncos over the Chief Huard’s! I’m really not sure who missed Willie Roaf the most… the Chiefs or the Kansas City Fast Food Economy. Either way, the Chiefs line looked horrible and I love fast food.

Patriots over the Jets! Brady has his work cut out for him this year. Heck, I drove past the Mounds View vs. Roseville HS game and found a group of better receivers than what Brady has to work with.

Bolts over the Titans. Vince Young looking to become the most famous man with the initials VY since this thing..

Cowboys over the Skins. No Portis it looks like which could mean a major hurt for the Skins.

I'll take the Jags over the Steelers. Byron Sandwich is fat but he is turning into the good phat. Ala MoPhats.

Week Two Picks: Larson

Last week, I picked 13 of the 16 game winners correctly. I assure you, it is all downhill from here.

BTW, WTF (Who The Frick) is Mr. Butter?

Here are my ever-prescient picks:

Minnesota over Carolina: We're at home. We must protect this house! We must protect this house! Plus, Smoot will smother Smith.

Miami over Buffalo: Dante's gotta be able to find something resembling a respectable quarterbacking performance somewhere up that butt of his. Get that awkward roll on, Has-Been!

Giants over Philadelphia: Eli wipes tears from eyes, throws for over 300 and a win.

New Orleans over Green Bay: Writing's on the wall, Brett, and it resembles a song: "Hey now, hey now...the dream is over!"

Indianapolis over Houston: "Houston, we have a problem. It's Indianapolis!"

Chicago over Detroit: Detroit is good at two things: Making crappier cars than Japan, and losing to divisional opponents. Oh, yeah...and baseball. Oh, yeah...and basketball.

Cincinnati over Cleveland: As much as Jesus doesn't want me cheering for a city that starts with double sins, I can't give the Browns any credit this week, even at home. PS: I'm gonna get this pick wrong.

Atlanta over Tampa Bay: One word: HOTLANTA! (I mixed the words "hot" and "Atlanta", as if to intone that the football skills there are "hot" or, in other words, "really good".)

Baltimore over Oakland: One word: BALTI-SCORE!

Seattle over Arizona: Always cheer North over South, West over East, Starbucks over old people.

At this point, I'm tired of trying to be witty. I don't even wanna try to win top rant this week anymore. So here I go, pooping parties left ant right:

San Francisco over St. Louis.

San Diego over Tennessee.

New England over NY Jets.

Denver over Kansas City.

Dallas over Washington.

Pittsburgh over Jacksonville.

Thanks. You've been great. I hope I win.

Blak Egg WEEK 2

I'm sorry Lars if you felt like we ragged on you too much, but I expect you to understand my position. Lets say that the Bears suck and lets say that Vikings are an above average squad. Imagine that I pick against the Vikings in week 1 when they play the 2005 49ers and the reason I give is because they have a GM that I don't like. That just isn't a valid reason for me to batch your beloved Vikings. IF the reason given was because they are playing in San Fran and that is a tough place to play or because the Vikings haven't won a season opener in 36 years or because Alex Smith is a Vikings killer, then I would have accepted that because they are good reasons. All I'm looking for is for valid reasons to bet against the Bears or a funny reason, not a stupid reason. I think we understand one another.


Buffalo at Miami - Moons over my hemi. I pick the Dolphins to win this one.

Carolina at Minnesota - Caroline over the Vikings. Not because I hate the Vikings, but because Carolina is a better team.

Cleveland at Cincinnati - Cin over the Browns.

Detroit at Chicago - Bears over the Lions. I really don't think any of us are homers. I don't even know where the term homer came from. David Hasalhoff is starring me in the eye's as I write this....sorry gotta go

Houston at Indianapolis - Colts over Texans. I dang it! I can't think of anything funny while sitting in my cube.

New Orleans at Green Bay - Packers over Saints

N.Y. Giants at Philadelphia - Eagles of Giants. Have you guys seen that picture of the Yetti/Big Foot/Sassqwash carrying a can of spam?

Oakland at Baltimore - Baltimore over Oakland. Ray Lewis killed a man.

Tampa Bay at Atlanta - Atlanta over Tampa. I thought Tampa had a decent defense until I remembered that it's not 2001. Who is on buc's? Is stoesz there QB and He Hate me in the backfield?

Arizona at Seattle - Seattle and Tom Cruise over Zona

St. Louis at San Francisco - Rams over 9ers

Kansas City at Denver - Denver over KC

New England at N.Y. Jets - Pats over Jets

Tennessee at San Diego - Chargers over Tit's

Washington at Dallas - Cowboys over Skins

Pittsburgh at Jacksonville - Jacksonville over Steelers

Rember this day...next time you pick against the Bears solely because they are the Bears..remember this day...The day when the Bears defense outscored the Packers total points...the day that the Packers scoring streak was broken....Remember this day...The day when you disgraced your Leif Erikson like figure...Remember remember... Also, I don't understand how your a Pat's fan, but I believe that you've lived in Chicago longer than you've lived in Boston.