Week Two Picks: Larson

Last week, I picked 13 of the 16 game winners correctly. I assure you, it is all downhill from here.

BTW, WTF (Who The Frick) is Mr. Butter?

Here are my ever-prescient picks:

Minnesota over Carolina: We're at home. We must protect this house! We must protect this house! Plus, Smoot will smother Smith.

Miami over Buffalo: Dante's gotta be able to find something resembling a respectable quarterbacking performance somewhere up that butt of his. Get that awkward roll on, Has-Been!

Giants over Philadelphia: Eli wipes tears from eyes, throws for over 300 and a win.

New Orleans over Green Bay: Writing's on the wall, Brett, and it resembles a song: "Hey now, hey now...the dream is over!"

Indianapolis over Houston: "Houston, we have a problem. It's Indianapolis!"

Chicago over Detroit: Detroit is good at two things: Making crappier cars than Japan, and losing to divisional opponents. Oh, yeah...and baseball. Oh, yeah...and basketball.

Cincinnati over Cleveland: As much as Jesus doesn't want me cheering for a city that starts with double sins, I can't give the Browns any credit this week, even at home. PS: I'm gonna get this pick wrong.

Atlanta over Tampa Bay: One word: HOTLANTA! (I mixed the words "hot" and "Atlanta", as if to intone that the football skills there are "hot" or, in other words, "really good".)

Baltimore over Oakland: One word: BALTI-SCORE!

Seattle over Arizona: Always cheer North over South, West over East, Starbucks over old people.

At this point, I'm tired of trying to be witty. I don't even wanna try to win top rant this week anymore. So here I go, pooping parties left ant right:

San Francisco over St. Louis.

San Diego over Tennessee.

New England over NY Jets.

Denver over Kansas City.

Dallas over Washington.

Pittsburgh over Jacksonville.

Thanks. You've been great. I hope I win.