Wild, Wild Kyky

I think...I THINK...this weekend can be described as a "Wild" weekend. The four-letter network wants to make sure we, the fans, don't forget that anything can happen. That's right, the J-E-T-S could beat the Pats, and I could poop thrice on Sunday (what I consider to be a "wow day").

Adding the excitement and wildness of the WDYL playoffs into the mix just makes it that much better. I hope MOD is ready to eat the product of my "wow day".

1. I LOVE G-MEN over uglies. Can you feel it? Disney is pushing HARD for a brilliant playoff run by Tiki Barber and the G-men. If they win the SB, expect a Disney movie about it next year, with Vin Diesel playing Tiki Barber, the kid from the OC playing Eli Manning, Ving Rhames playing Michael Strahan, and Nic Cage trying to show his versatility as Jim Fassel. Look for Tiki to have a big day, and for him to be offered the anchor chair on ABC World News Tonight.

2. I LOVE COLTS over chefs. I'm not too sure about the Colts. I mean, sure, Peyton Manning commercials are better than most of the SB commercials of the past 3-4 years. And, I know, Peyton-Marvin is a bitchin' combo. And, true, if you replaced the 'i' in the rookie running back's last name, it would be a type of snake. But their defense against runs is awful--more like Dulcolax than Immodium. I expect (and let's face it, kind of hope for) the Colts to do well. The Chefs will put up a good effort--LJ will get a couple of TDs--but it won't be enough. In the 'lucky charms battle' of horseshoe v. arrowhead, horseshoe wins.

3. I LOVE BOYS over s'hawks. History tells us that SB runner-ups have fared poorly in the playoffs the next year. History also tells us that it's a mistake to get moons over my-hammy with hash browns covered and smothered, and then go play a late-night game of broomball. Even though Tony Romo is untested in the playoffs, I think the 'Boys are a better team right now. Sure, they kind of stumbled during the end of the season, but Bill Parcells is approaching Mike Holmgren's girth--that's gotta count for something. TO will catch a TD, and drop 4 passes, only to pout and flex on national TV afterward.

4. I LOVE PATS over j-e-t-s. This is a lock. Brady is money during the playoffs. He's the Iraqi Dinar to the Jets defense's US Dollar--he's appreciating, bitch. It's a good thing that there's something to be said for the name 'Pat' these days. Pat Robertson continues to sully the good name of Pat. He predicts...nay, God told him...that there will be a big attack on the US in 2007. Not nuclear, but big. At least we know Robertson's not an open theist. Whew. Pats to win easily, making Mangina look like a...well, you get the idea.

May all y'all's dreams come true this weekend. Except for MOD. I hope you somehow end up in a bathroom with the Buf while he's taking a deuce.

Wildcard Pix with a side of BUTTER

1 = least sure, 4 = most

1. SHAWKS over Dallas... because we all know the real winner here will be male pattern baldness

2. EAGLETTES over ny... eli's been filling his bed pan all night in preparation for this loss.

3. COLTS over chiefs... Peyton Manning was on the phone with Macgyver all night figuring out how to single handedly beat the odds. He'll be going into this game with a roll of duct tape and a Don Mattingly collectors edition topps card

4. PATS over jets... Man-gina!!!!

Taco Playoffs

4. Patriotic Men
3. Dirty Sea birds
2. Patriotic birds
1. Horses

Wildcard Weekend - MOD

This is where the boys become men, or Boys II Men

1. Colts over Chiefs. Everybody is talking about what a big day Larry Johnson is going to have but Peyton wants this one more than anything and although he won't win a Super Bowl this year, he's still going to win this one at home.

2. Seahawks over Cowboys. Seattle is a tough place to play, but this game is still going to be close since Seattle is nothing what they looked like last year.

3. Eagles over Giants. How can I not pick Philly with Boys II Men in my picks this week.

4. Patriots over Jets. Easiest pick here and I'll gladly take my 4 points and run.

Wild Card Weekend - MoPhats

Pete I'm sorry that your beloved viks aren't in the playoffs... But you should of seen it coming.

1 - Colts over Chiefs - Could go either way, still unsure about the playoff colts
2 - Boys over Hawks - Romo in the playoffs???
3 - Giants over Eagles - Manning has a lot to prove, eagles are going to run out of luck
4 - Pats over Jets - Playoff Pats are simply amazing, nuff said

Playoffs Round 1: Larson's Picks

Here are my picks. The first one, I am the LEAST confident in, hence it is worth one point. The fourth one, I am the MOST confident in, hence it is worth four points. And so...

1. Dallas over Seattle (Although I hope T.O. has -23 receiving yards and poops his pants on national television.)
2. Philadelphia over NY Giants (Donovan McNabb's mother will bring Cambell's Chunky at the last minute, inspiring his team to victory.)
3. Indianapolis over Kansas City (Don't you mean Kasas Sh-tty?)
4. New England over NY Jets (After the loss, the discouraged Jets will go back to doing what they do best: Being a decent 80's power pop band out of Minneapolis.)

Mail my Victor's check to:

Nate Larson
1 Winner's Way
Championsville, MN 55111

Sincerely,

Nate

Week 17 Black Eggs on Rye

N.Y. Giants at Washington - I love the Giants
Carolina at New Orleans - I love the Saints
Cleveland at Houston - I love the Texans
Detroit at Dallas - I love Dallas
Jacksonville at Kansas City - I love Jacksonville
New England at Tennessee - I love Tennesse
Oakland at N.Y. Jets - I love the Jets
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati - I love Cin
Seattle at Tampa Bay - I love Seattle
St. Louis at Minnesota - I love St. Louis
Arizona at San Diego - I love the Chargers
Atlanta at Philadelphia - I love Philly
Buffalo at Baltimore - I love Baltimore
Miami at Indianapolis - I love Indianapolis
San Francisco at Denver - I love Denver
Green Bay at Chicago - I love Chicago

Week 17 - Mod

Giants over Skins
Ok, so I forgot to pick this game... but who said you can't pick it and see if Lars will not read this part of the rant and give me a win. Let my lawyer defend me on this one.....

"Mod had no idea the Giants won 34-28 and Tiki Barber rushed for 234 yards and 3 TD's"

Saints over Panthers.
Well this game is useless now that the Giants won... another useless item: Chopsticks with a fan that cools your blazing hot noodles that came straight for the Earth's core.


Texans over Browns.
Both of these teams have amazing college teams in their state: Ohio State and Texas... you think some of that football knowledge would run over to the pro teams.

Cowboys over Lions.
Detroit can finally put all its attention into the Deanna Nolan and the Detroit Shock!




Chiefs over Jags.
So both teams need a win and some help to get into the playoffs. I hate asking for help but sometimes you gotta do it, like after you get hit like this guy and need to know which way the locker room is.


Patriots over Titans.
I keep picking against the Titans even though they keep winning. It's like back in middle school when everybody had corderoy pants... I knew that it was just a fad so I never got them, then I decided they were here to stay and got them right when people stopped wearing them. I'm glad I could care less what I wear these days.

Jets over Raiders.
I love how the Raiders have been shutout 3 times this year and haven't scored a touchdown in 6 games. That kind of futility hasn't been seen since the Grandmahs took the court in Bethel Intramurals.

Bengals over Steelers.
Wow, kind of suprising that both of these teams could miss the playoffs. Also suprising, Ron Artest playing a 3 string instrument.



Seahawks over Tampa Bay.
I had no idea the Bucs have a cornerback named Blue Adams. That might be the best athelete name Blue since Blue Edwards donned the Jazz uniform back in the early 90's.



Rams over Vikings.

Eagles over Falcons.

Ravens over Bills.

Colts over Dolphins.

Chargers over Cardinals.
Can't wait for the Rivers blowup in the playoffs.

Broncos over 49'ers.
I like the Broncos chances in the playoffs as much as I love waking up to the sound of Mophats hacking up a loogey on my freshman year floor.

Bears over Packers.
Bye Bye Brett Favre... at least for 2 months until you throw us on the "will Brett Favre come back for another season" routine.