Week 2 - Kyky

Alright, so I got handled by Mophers in Week 1. Now I come upon Camaro. Oh, if only I could play Camaro every week. Scratch that, perhaps if I could play Legend's current opponent (Mystery Man) every week, then I'd be happy. And while I'm on the subject, what the frick, Sobol? Just because you look like Jesus and have a good rapport with students doesn't mean that you can just shirk us here at WDYL. Geez. On that note, Camaro, I'm going to put my prognostication cap on and prognosticate that you suck.

I LOVE FINS over Bison by an angry Zach Morris...I mean Jonathan Taylor Thomas...I mean Zach Thomas.

I LOVE PANTS over Vikes - I'm not taking the Pants just because I don't want to be tagged a homer. I'm taking them because they're just plain better. And because the Metrodome should be imploded. Pants by Jermaine Wiggins' foreskin.

I LOVE STRIPEYS over Messy Pants - The new Domino's mascot is named Fudgems. Does this sound like a brand of adult diaper to anybody else? Seriously, who the hell does the marketing for Domino's? The brownies are quite tasty, but any variation of Brownie or Fudge for a mascot name seems either racist or related to feces. Stripeys by the girl who gets "Fudgems juice" all over her after hugging Fudgems.

I LOVE BURRS over Loins - Even though he hasn't played there for a number of years, the Burr players have been shocked by the retirement of perpetual sleepyhead Toni Kukoc (Why is it, that when he came over here, having lived with a cyrillic alphabet, he chose the feminine spelling of his name? There's no prior necessity that his name is spelled Toni). As a result, the Burrs come out and kick the crap out of the pathetic lions "for Toni." Burrs by the European invasion.

I LOVE COLTS over Big Belt Buckles by a future Commercial Emmy award for Peyton Manning.

I LOVE Puckers over Righteous People - Watching this game will be like watching Discovery Health's coverage of plastic surgery: Even though they have the decency to spruce it up a bit with the blurred circles (or, in the case of football, smooth graphics), you still see all the ugly. Puckers by three pounds of liposuctioned fat.

I LOVE UGGLES over G-men - Donovan McNabb is back, baby. And, from what I saw last week, the G-men defense is only so-so. Uggles by an inappropriate Rush Limbaugh comment.

I LOVE BLACKBIRDS over The Messy Raidahs by so many points that Ray Lewis looks innocent.

I LOVE BUCS over Falcors - Being down by 2 TDs at half-time, Gruden will ceremonially kill Simeon Rice, and be overheard saying, "Any more of you bitches want to drop two potential INTs? I am Chucky!" Bucs simply because Gruden could make Lucifer poop in his Fudgems.

I LOVE S'HAWKS over Cards by a proud balding man's golden throwing arm.

I LOVE MALE SHEEP (Rams) over Gold Diggers - because somebody has to win, and the Gold Diggers are still a JV squad for the most part. Male sheep by a school bus seat shared with your other JV compatriot, while each varsity player has his own full row.

I LOVE BRONCS over Chefs by Jay Cutler's splinters. I LOVE PATS over J-e-t-s, Jets, Jets, Jets by being the smartest guys in the room.

I LOVE BOLTS over Titans by more than a dozen Philip Rivers pass attempts.

I LOVE NATIVE AMERICAN WARRIORS over 'Boahs - Parcells becomes so fed up by kickers that he just eschews the idea altogether, and goes for 2 on every extra point. "Hell, if we're going to miss 'em anyway, we might as well go balls out," he says at a post game press conference. Warriors by a gajullion dollar coaching staff.

I LOVE CROTCH GOULS over Jags - Simply because Mike Tice is coaching for the Jags. Crotch Gouls by an appendix and a Cowher mustache.