Butter - 6

Looks like this week I face up against Destructicon himself. Destructicon would be MOD's name if he were a Transformer and that's what I'm going to call him from now on because his ability to destroy is machine-like. MOD, I love you and I hope we get to hang out and play some tackle football in the mud when I come up in a couple of weeks. You're good at passing in basketball. You should however be penalized a rant point and suffer -3 awareness hit for the rest of this football season for not realizing it's week 6. I guess we'll see what happens this week when the destructor meets destruction.

Tim, I can't empasize enough the brilliant use of the Corey Paus name (Lincoln-Way High/UCLA stand-out at QB). I'd like to request that every week you insert into your rant a Corey Paus anecdote. Ya know, tell great stories like the cool things you saw him do in school and the chicks he hooked up w/.

I write the rants this week from a hotel in Buffalo, NY. Let me just say that the city is demoralized from the terrible loss served up by the Bears. It has been raining and hailing all day. With-out further adue:

DALLAS will mop up over Houston. I propose that they make a TO channel on TV that just runs TO stories round the clock and all the other stations aren't allowed to mention and specific TO stories. I'm so sick of quality football programs like NFL live wasting half the show talking TO. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

EAGLES over saints. I heard that Donavan rebeled against the Team Momma last year and didn't eat his Chunky Soup. Fortunately, this year he's eating it again.

RAMS over s-hawks. This is my upset pick. The hawks a good team, but the rams aren't bad and are at home. Doesn't Hasselback look like a comp. science major. Can I get a witness?

GIANTS over falcons. The falcon's really aren't that good, I promise. They are one dimensional. Shut down the run and they're done. Vick is a good quarterBLACK, but not a good quarterBACK. Elijah will chuck the ball all over the field.

SKINS over tenn. They'll play this game shirts vs. Skins instead of w/ uniforms.

BILLS over the cowardly lion. JP Loose-man will have a nice day agains the loosey-goosey Lions D.

RAVENS over pants. Hard one to call here because I don't think the ravens o can post good numbers. I love the McAllister - Smith match-up. Jamal Lewis runs like a piece of remote controlled poop this year.

BENGALS over bucs. Chad will score a touchdown and dance and sing "walk like an egyptian," by 80s rock sensation the Bengals. Then he'll score another and sing "Eternal Flame" while slow dancing with Carson. I can understand the bucs o, but what happened to the D.

CHARGERS over the san francisco treat. That's right, this week the Chargers will be playing against a big kettle of hot fresh Rice-a-roni. The chargers with prevail over the delicious dinner 20-17.

PITT-STAINS over kc. The steele curtain is more of a thin, transparent shower drape this year, but they'll win and Big Ben will crash his bike into a maneur truck after the game trying to catch McFly.

JET over the dolls. I don't know why, but I guess an o line is just one of those things you need in football. A-hem, hint, hint.

BRONKITIS over oakie-rah-rahs. raiders, please throw the ball to Diet Pepsi Machine. He can make plays with the ball in his dispencer, just get him the ball. If you don't throw his the ball he'll go somewhere that another QB will.

DITKA-REX-URLACHER-SHUFFLIN-#1 OFFENSE AND DEFENSE over the cards. The bears have a player named Bernard. Isn't that great. Seriously though, do you guys this that if the Bears win it all this year they should record the Superbowl Shuffle again at the end of it? seriously, i want some input here. Lovie Smith, coach of the year. Tommie Harris D - MVP. Jamal Williams Def - rookie of the year. Rex - MVP. Did that get all you bear haters adequately pissed or should I continue? I admit I'll be a bit disappointed if it's not a 16-0 season and really so if it's not 14-2 or better. I want them to be a 95 or better overall team in Madden 08.