Kyky - Week 3

Holy sh**!! 8-8?!? What the f*** happened to me? I’m turning into Camaro/Legend. Going 8-8 is like winning free movie tickets from a radio station, only to find out that you’re going to to see ‘White Chicks’ for free. Hell, I almost got bested by Mystery Man. Looking at the schedule this week, I wish I could pick whether or not John Rocker is going to get beaten up by any group of people.

Mr. Butter: I’m going to pull you out of the refrigerator, stab you with a knife, and slather you all over a pastry. Yum!

I LOVE SKINS over Te-hans: Al Saunders’ new offense even has Joe Gibbs confused. Luckily, the Te-hans suck, and the Skins offense has been marginally productive. If the playbook is still unclear through the first half, look for Saunders himself to lead the offense in the second half. Skins by virtue of the fact that Mario Williams is not Reggie Bush.

I LOVE J-E-T-S over Bison: I’m iffy on this one, but I’ll say that the J-E-T-S have looked more impressive than the Bison thus far. That, and I heard Mahmoud Ahmadinejad roots for the Buffalo Bills. J-E-T-S by a peaceful nuclear program.

I LOVE PUCKERS over Loins: Perhaps the riskiest pick of all, but seeing as though Roy Williams is a bigger idiot than Hugo Chavez, I feel fairly confident with this one. Also, Matt Millen insists on constituting his offense entirely with WRs. Could we see Natedell’s alter-ego return to QB/receive for the Loins? Puckers by a reference to “El Diablo” and “the stench of sulfur.”

I LOVE COLTIES over Jags: Best game of the week! Colts by a couple of FGs.

I LOVE (hate) BURRS over Purple: As much as I hate the Burrs, they’re just better than the Vikes. This game is like a contest between the EU (Burrs) and India (Vikes). India’s got a lot of potential, but the EU’s just got some vicious tariffs to stop it in its tracks. Burrs because European farmers are more subsidized than even American farmers.

I LOVE FINS over Titans: On an unrelated note, the Redskins are shortened to ‘Skins’ often. Do the Titans then become the ‘Tits’? Just wondering. Fins by a more appropriate abbreviation.

I LOVE STRIPEYS over Crotch Ghouls: Another tough game. Carson Palmer wants to rip off the testies of each Crotch Ghoul, but the Ghouls just got embarrassed on MNF. Who wants it more? I’ll go with Palmer. “Vengence is mine,” saith the Lord. Close enough. Stripeys by vengence.

I LOVE PANTS over Mateys: Pants by virtue of…ah screw it…I just don’t care.

I LOVE EDGAR ALLEN POE over Drew Carey: Ravens are good. Browns are not. Ray Lewis scares the poop out of me. Poop just comes out of me. Steve McNair has ‘air’ in his name, Kellen Winslow has ‘slow’ in his name. Ravens by default…it’s simple logical reasoning.

I LOVE S’HAWNKNKS over G-men: Because Eli Manning just isn’t there quite yet. Also, Seattle:New York :: Vladivostok:Moscow. S’hawks by a puget sound.

I LOVE REDBIRDS over Not Ewes: Cards, because, like the people on Project Runway, they’re more chic.

I LOVE UGGLES over Frisco: As much as I love the Frisco burger, a Cheesesteak sandwich takes the win. Uggles by more gooey cheese.

I LOVE PATS over Broncs: Because, dammit, the Pats always win.

I LOVE FALCORS over Righteous People: Falcors by an over-emotional atmosphere.